Well I don't know. I don't consider myself really being loved before cuz during my younger days I guess that was just not you call true love. I don't even know what love means between a couple cuz I have not really tried it. Maybe there are someone waiting for me, but what if there's no one waiting at all? Isn't that sad? Snap back to reality, these kind of stuff are meant to be. Who doesn't want to be loved? But when there's no one for you, what can you do?
Haha. I sounded a little desperate huh? Well not like everyone can understand me anyway. I'm strong? Partially. Maybe. Maybe not. God has always been fair, He won't be giving everything to a person. When you have something, there must be something that someone else have and you don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about my life. God has been really good to me to give me everything I own up 'till today and I'm absolutely thankful for that. But somehow nothing could really sate humans greed and always caught themselves in a self-contradicting situation. *sigh* *pointing at myself* But anyway, I'm always happy for those who found their true love and living happily ever after. So I do hope I can find my "he" one day. But for now, this song is making me sad and yet I love it so much. Although I've not been a fan of country songs, this song make it to my list of favorite songs somehow. Here it is, "What hurts the most" by Rascal Flatts (a 2005 song Haha.)
Lyrics:
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Forever and always... Mike Shinoda
*Don't have to read my utter nonsense if you don't feel like it*
It's been a while since the last time I wrote anything about Mike Shinoda or Lee Hom. Lee Hom is hot but... no.. He just don't manage to stay in my heart for long. He comes and He goes. Mike Shinoda has always been here in my heart since day 1. Yes. I know he's married. So what? Some people are still crazy about Angelina Jolie even she got hitched with Mr. Pitt.
Anyway, it's been 5 years since I fall for some-dude-from Linkin Park aka Mike Shinoda (rapper of the group +guitarist+keyboard player of the band). The devotion that Mike has towards music earn my biggest respect and also make me feel ashamed of myself sometimes. Mainly because I don't see myself really dedicated to my study before this. I know I could have done better but of course I did try my very best to achieve what I've got so far. I just wish to find out what I'm really good at and work very hard to reach the greatest achievement of my interest and talent. *sigh* I remembered last time during my A-levels period, I was very much addicted to Linkin Park as well as Mike 'til there was once I was so down that I can only hear Mike's voice in my head rapping out the words that I used to hear "unplugged". And his buffoonery always made my day last time.
I have to admit for the past few months I've change my way of admiring my idols. Not like last time crazy over getting their pictures from magazines, buying merchandise. No. Those stuff are just wasting time and money. The way to support is from the bottom of the heart and buying original CDs, going for concert only. Well one of my dream is to see LP in US cuz the show in Malaysia will never be as good as somewhere outside Asia.
So this might just sound weird, but I do want to thank Linkin Park for being who they are for making music that makes me hated them from the beginning til loving them so much right now. Everytime whenever I feel like shutting myself in my own world, their music has always been a great "cure" for me to walk out of depression. Thanks guys. This is why I always be proud to call myself a Linkin Park fan even if in the future if they are forgotten, their name will always stay in my heart as long as I live.This entry is dedicated to you guys, the kids out there and to wherever music lives. I love Mike Shinoda and I love Linkin Park forever and always. (Come to Malaysia soon folks!)
It's been a while since the last time I wrote anything about Mike Shinoda or Lee Hom. Lee Hom is hot but... no.. He just don't manage to stay in my heart for long. He comes and He goes. Mike Shinoda has always been here in my heart since day 1. Yes. I know he's married. So what? Some people are still crazy about Angelina Jolie even she got hitched with Mr. Pitt.
Anyway, it's been 5 years since I fall for some-dude-from Linkin Park aka Mike Shinoda (rapper of the group +guitarist+keyboard player of the band). The devotion that Mike has towards music earn my biggest respect and also make me feel ashamed of myself sometimes. Mainly because I don't see myself really dedicated to my study before this. I know I could have done better but of course I did try my very best to achieve what I've got so far. I just wish to find out what I'm really good at and work very hard to reach the greatest achievement of my interest and talent. *sigh* I remembered last time during my A-levels period, I was very much addicted to Linkin Park as well as Mike 'til there was once I was so down that I can only hear Mike's voice in my head rapping out the words that I used to hear "unplugged". And his buffoonery always made my day last time.
I have to admit for the past few months I've change my way of admiring my idols. Not like last time crazy over getting their pictures from magazines, buying merchandise. No. Those stuff are just wasting time and money. The way to support is from the bottom of the heart and buying original CDs, going for concert only. Well one of my dream is to see LP in US cuz the show in Malaysia will never be as good as somewhere outside Asia.
So this might just sound weird, but I do want to thank Linkin Park for being who they are for making music that makes me hated them from the beginning til loving them so much right now. Everytime whenever I feel like shutting myself in my own world, their music has always been a great "cure" for me to walk out of depression. Thanks guys. This is why I always be proud to call myself a Linkin Park fan even if in the future if they are forgotten, their name will always stay in my heart as long as I live.This entry is dedicated to you guys, the kids out there and to wherever music lives. I love Mike Shinoda and I love Linkin Park forever and always. (Come to Malaysia soon folks!)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
PMS? or maybe I've started to change?
[This photo brought back all the memories that I used to have in A-levels,really miss those days]
I realized that I've been acting very straightforward lately. Sometimes I even think I speak without using my brain as well. *sigh* Anyway, I guess life will not be the same soon. At least I know some friends around me are not like how they used to be. All I can do is to hope that their changes are for the better.
I guess it's either the PMS or maybe I'm starting to change recently and part of it I don't think it's good especially when I'm becoming more and more impatient. Some people might call my way of thinking is just within a box. But to me there are always some principles that I tend to keep and follow. Well maybe is really because of the way my parents taught me ever since I was a kid or maybe just like what Win said- the difference between left-handed and right handed. Hmm.. who knows? I've become more and more straightforward, when I don't like certain things and dislike anyone's behavior I tend to spill it out right on that person's face. I guess that's not really good huh. Sounded like I'm so bossy.
Anyway, I do feel that the upcoming days are not going to be easy. I do hope I can cope with the pressure that I'm about to feel. So til then I hope everyone who read this, take good care of yourself and do keep in touch. Dropping a word or two on my "chatterbox" would be nice so at least I know that somebody cares :D Alright people. Take Care.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Life of a job hunter...
Basically, I went for interview for another job- Data Analyst/ Business Analyst. Need to know Excel Macros and SQL, dealing with data most of the times. Going for the final round of interview(i hope) on Monday to meet the hosting manager and this time, I'll be given some scenarios and see how I can solve it. *sigh* I'm keeping my finger crossed that I don't screw it.
The other job that I mentioned on my last entry as "Management Trainee", I got a call from them today asking me when can I start working. So since I'm attending this interview on Monday, I told them I'll give them a reply on Tuesday.
Honestly I do want this Business Analyst job. The other job is b/c the location is a bit far and the working hour is like from 10am-8pm which I don't really like at all. And the benefit for Data Analyst is so much more better BUT it's a yearly contract job. So if I am lucky to be hired I need to work at least for a year. Of course I don't mind that. This company will be a challenge for me as it is a multinational company and this company has been around for more than 5 decades so yeah.. I guess everything is pretty organised and if I really want to be exposed to more stuff I guess this position is not getting me anywhere. But then again I don't mind cuz I'm like 23 this year. If I work in this company for a year I'll be here like one year and I'll only be 24 then so nothing to loose. Basically I just want to work then only I'll be able to find out what I really want in a job.
Alright. So I guess that's the update about the life of a job hunter. I do hope to have good news on Monday, I'm feeling pretty nervous though as I have a feeling it's going to be dead tough. Wish Me luck.
The other job that I mentioned on my last entry as "Management Trainee", I got a call from them today asking me when can I start working. So since I'm attending this interview on Monday, I told them I'll give them a reply on Tuesday.
Honestly I do want this Business Analyst job. The other job is b/c the location is a bit far and the working hour is like from 10am-8pm which I don't really like at all. And the benefit for Data Analyst is so much more better BUT it's a yearly contract job. So if I am lucky to be hired I need to work at least for a year. Of course I don't mind that. This company will be a challenge for me as it is a multinational company and this company has been around for more than 5 decades so yeah.. I guess everything is pretty organised and if I really want to be exposed to more stuff I guess this position is not getting me anywhere. But then again I don't mind cuz I'm like 23 this year. If I work in this company for a year I'll be here like one year and I'll only be 24 then so nothing to loose. Basically I just want to work then only I'll be able to find out what I really want in a job.
Alright. So I guess that's the update about the life of a job hunter. I do hope to have good news on Monday, I'm feeling pretty nervous though as I have a feeling it's going to be dead tough. Wish Me luck.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Confusion... Hesitation...
Well actually went for "training" today, I just don't understand why can't they put the terms properly. It's actually a second interview. There were 3 other candidates chosen to come for this "training" as well. Basically, we were given one set of 18-pages "notes" to read. And basically, this so called "Management Trainee" post is more of like consultancy or perhaps... Sales. The main purpose is to get people to join the club and all. Well the benefit of this job is that you can earn money faster than doing a regular office work as you'll get like the basic salary per month along with the commission you'll be earning. So right now, I'm standing in between the money and the career/real work path. Should I be finding a much more proper job based on my qualification or should I just don't give a damn about my qualification and if I'm lucky to be hired by this company I'll just go and work there for a several months or maybe years? Gosh. This is so hard.
Sales/ Consultancy is not something that I always wanted to do. Right now I'm just totally lost and confused. *sigh*
Sales/ Consultancy is not something that I always wanted to do. Right now I'm just totally lost and confused. *sigh*
Friday, April 11, 2008
Weird day but I guess it's all good...
Wow... I'm still feeling wow. I got a call like a few days ago for a management trainee job. And I was pretty confused and wondered since when I applied for a management trainee post. So I called back the company the next day and found out that my resume was given to them by Jobstreet and I was one of the shortlisted candidate. Originally the interview will be on next tuesday but it was changed to today. I wasn't really thinking of getting this job cuz firstly I didn't apply for it and this job has nothing to do with the field that I've studied. So I was thinking that since I haven't got a job and I have nothing else better to do at home, I might as well give it a shot.
So I reach the company around 1+ and the interview supposed to be at 2pm. First thing I did was filling up the employment form. Then I waited like 30 minutes along with another candidate who happened to be in the same situation as mine for the same post. And after waited for 30 minutes I went to the reception and wanted to ask what to do next and submitting the form at the same time. After submitting the form, the staff there told me that the manager is not free to interview us and we were asked to go back and wait for their call. So I left.
Min Fung called me earlier and wanted to meet up in Pavilion for a talk or something so I kind of waited for him for a while and he reached around 3.15. After that, we decided to have a drink at Gloria Jeans Coffee (and god their small size really meant small.. Haha). Anyway, we kind of like talked for less than 10 minutes then suddenly I received a call from the company again. The manager whose name is Victor, wanted me to attend the training on Monday. Then I was stunned and asked him how come and was I being hired? He was like not really cuz they wanted to see if I'm suited for the post after the 4 hours training. I then asked about what sort of job I'll be handling in this post. Then he went "Aren't you suppose to ask that during your interview session?" Then I told him that I wasn't being interviewed at all. So he wanted to meet me up for an interview again and thank goodness I was still around that area that time. After I hung up, I quickly drank up my last sip of coffee and left Min Fung there alone. (sorry dude, but thanks for coming for a drink, really appreciate that)
When I reached the company, I met up with Victor. First thing I was being told was "You should lose weight Victoria"(not like he's insulting me but the work has something related to fitness) I'm like.. yes, I do know that. Thank you very much. Then after that he talked as if I'm already being hired. I was in a really "blah" state that time cuz I couldn't be bothered with the job. And when he said "What if I'm gonna pay you 4k for the job?". Then I was totally stunned and I said "I may consider". He was like "4k you still need to consider?". Seriously at that moment I thought it was a joke and I told him is not about salary I'm concerning about but there are other factors as well. Then I went on and asked him "Are you serious?" he just went "why not?" Then I was told that 4k is when I become a real staff there after 3 months probation. So since I'm a freshie, I was being offered 2k as basic salary. I was hesitating at the moment. After thinking for a few minutes and discussed my difficulty with him about not being able to work til too late he told me the earliest he'll let me off is 8pm. Eventually, I accepted the job cuz I thought since I don't have a job right now and I really need money to survive, I might as well try out.
I do see myself facing a lot of difficulties in the upcoming days. Lots of stuff to learn since I'm a true freshie and no experience. It appears to me that this is an opportunity that came to me by fate. Probably God would like me to try something else before getting myself into boring job. I don't dare to imagine what lies ahead but all I know is that I will try to learn up stuff that suppose to be learnt and be useful and hopefully I can get to somewhere one day. Even if eventually things don't turn out the way I imagine to be I guess I'll just take it as an experience or a vital for my continued growth. I will try my very best. A big thank you for all my friends who have been there for me for advice and listening to my nonsense and complains. Thank you guys. And the two most important person I need to thank is my mum and God (regardless of religion). So we shall see what happen next then. ^_^
So I reach the company around 1+ and the interview supposed to be at 2pm. First thing I did was filling up the employment form. Then I waited like 30 minutes along with another candidate who happened to be in the same situation as mine for the same post. And after waited for 30 minutes I went to the reception and wanted to ask what to do next and submitting the form at the same time. After submitting the form, the staff there told me that the manager is not free to interview us and we were asked to go back and wait for their call. So I left.
Min Fung called me earlier and wanted to meet up in Pavilion for a talk or something so I kind of waited for him for a while and he reached around 3.15. After that, we decided to have a drink at Gloria Jeans Coffee (and god their small size really meant small.. Haha). Anyway, we kind of like talked for less than 10 minutes then suddenly I received a call from the company again. The manager whose name is Victor, wanted me to attend the training on Monday. Then I was stunned and asked him how come and was I being hired? He was like not really cuz they wanted to see if I'm suited for the post after the 4 hours training. I then asked about what sort of job I'll be handling in this post. Then he went "Aren't you suppose to ask that during your interview session?" Then I told him that I wasn't being interviewed at all. So he wanted to meet me up for an interview again and thank goodness I was still around that area that time. After I hung up, I quickly drank up my last sip of coffee and left Min Fung there alone. (sorry dude, but thanks for coming for a drink, really appreciate that)
When I reached the company, I met up with Victor. First thing I was being told was "You should lose weight Victoria"(not like he's insulting me but the work has something related to fitness) I'm like.. yes, I do know that. Thank you very much. Then after that he talked as if I'm already being hired. I was in a really "blah" state that time cuz I couldn't be bothered with the job. And when he said "What if I'm gonna pay you 4k for the job?". Then I was totally stunned and I said "I may consider". He was like "4k you still need to consider?". Seriously at that moment I thought it was a joke and I told him is not about salary I'm concerning about but there are other factors as well. Then I went on and asked him "Are you serious?" he just went "why not?" Then I was told that 4k is when I become a real staff there after 3 months probation. So since I'm a freshie, I was being offered 2k as basic salary. I was hesitating at the moment. After thinking for a few minutes and discussed my difficulty with him about not being able to work til too late he told me the earliest he'll let me off is 8pm. Eventually, I accepted the job cuz I thought since I don't have a job right now and I really need money to survive, I might as well try out.
I do see myself facing a lot of difficulties in the upcoming days. Lots of stuff to learn since I'm a true freshie and no experience. It appears to me that this is an opportunity that came to me by fate. Probably God would like me to try something else before getting myself into boring job. I don't dare to imagine what lies ahead but all I know is that I will try to learn up stuff that suppose to be learnt and be useful and hopefully I can get to somewhere one day. Even if eventually things don't turn out the way I imagine to be I guess I'll just take it as an experience or a vital for my continued growth. I will try my very best. A big thank you for all my friends who have been there for me for advice and listening to my nonsense and complains. Thank you guys. And the two most important person I need to thank is my mum and God (regardless of religion). So we shall see what happen next then. ^_^
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Sitting, Wishing, Waiting...
Sitting here wishing and waiting for a company to call me up for interviews. T_T Went for a programming aptitude test last wednesday and I would say if only i know is those questions I would be much more prepared. *Sigh* if only is not going to save me. It's my own mistake for not keeping up the practice. So I guess the chances of being selected is pretty low. Btw, is the Analyst Programmer for Manulife (previously known as John Hancock).
On friday, went to the jobstreet career fair. I know it's not like i'm gonna stand a big chance or something but just went there and have a look. Submitted a few copies of my resume. Philip Morris, Synovate, AIG, etc. I guess as time goes by my thoughts change as well. I seriously don't mind working in small company with a few people that can make me learn some stuff. Right now i'm in the near insane stage. I so so so so want a job. I guess I'm still stubborn and picky about my job. No Sales. No Marketing. Not til there's no other job available. Those field are definitely my last resort. *sigh* It's the second week of april already. Oh God, I want a job. T_T
Continue my sitting, wishing and waiting session... I'm outta here.
On friday, went to the jobstreet career fair. I know it's not like i'm gonna stand a big chance or something but just went there and have a look. Submitted a few copies of my resume. Philip Morris, Synovate, AIG, etc. I guess as time goes by my thoughts change as well. I seriously don't mind working in small company with a few people that can make me learn some stuff. Right now i'm in the near insane stage. I so so so so want a job. I guess I'm still stubborn and picky about my job. No Sales. No Marketing. Not til there's no other job available. Those field are definitely my last resort. *sigh* It's the second week of april already. Oh God, I want a job. T_T
Continue my sitting, wishing and waiting session... I'm outta here.
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